I have had my share of heart breaks in life, and I came to understand that it is all because of the wrong expectations from love, that I had developed overtime.
Love meant ultimate fulfillment to me, it meant possession, it meant happiness, it killed the individual and focused on selflessness. That is what I sought around me, and inside. I kept asking myself, why am I not happy? Why did I have to face depths of sadness because I was with somebody, which never happened when I was on my own. It kept getting darker, different pieces in my life, but I had yet to figure out the bigger picture.
And then I saw Lala Land, the movie.
Ryan and Emma had their own life dreams, and wanted the other to achieve them. Somewhere during the journey, staying together starts to pull them down and hurt, so they move on to their own paths.
My favorite part was the ending (if you have not watched it yet, you should stop reading). Years later, both achievers now, smile at each other from afar, realizing each had fulfilled his/her dream. But there were no emotional scenes where both lovers run towards each other, rather, both move on to their own destiny – which is not together or eternal. It was like I had a eureka moment. The dots finally connected:
True happiness comes from inside.
You have to love yourself in order to be happy. When you are confident about yourself, it is easier to be selfless. You chose to sacrifice because you have so much to give.
Life is not about the end, it is about the journey. You can share amazing moments with somebody, but it does not have to lead somewhere.
Everything is temporary in this world, why search for forevers then.
When you stop to grow, your relationship also stagnates. When you as a person do not have any aspirations, you start relying on somebody to do that for you, to take you along. But when you depend on somebody like that, you will always be disappointed. Too much responsibility might also choke the other person.
Happy Endings, are finally overrated. When the relationship of Ryan and Emma starts to get toxic, each hurting the other, they walk out of it. But they still care about each other. In real life, when you break-up, you cannot stop caring for somebody, but the society expects you to move on (I am still not sure what this word means anymore). Later in life, you will not want to be with the same people anymore, but you will always want their happiness.
La La Land is closer to reality than a lot of literature that we grew up reading. Given the trend breaker that La La Land has been, I expect art and literature will now be more real. We do not need fairy tales anymore. The generations that are going to grow up in the coming times, will at least have no false expectations from Love and hence might be happier than we are.