He has everything that you would want in a guy. Smart, funny, caring, and on top of that, loves you immensely. You guys talk all night, sometimes all day. He knows every little secret about you. He was the shoulder every time you had a break-up, and he was your wing man as well. You two have practically grown up together. Now, things have gotten complicated as he wants to move this relationship to the next level. He is your best friend, but you do not feel attracted to him. When the spark is missing, what do you do?
We have a three pillar theory about love. There are three connections that come together and make us fall in love with any guy.
1. Emotional connection: You guys understand each others emotional needs, and match in the feelings for each other. You depend on each other for emotional fulfillment, but also project emotions that are generated from the outside world onto each other.
2. Mental connection: Both of you have dreams and each values the others. Both of you can only grow if you challenge each other mentally, and also support and complement each other. A strong mental connection helps the relationship move forward, and provides a foundation for excitement and change in life.
3. Physical connection: Making love is an essential part of the relationship. It creates a bond with your partner like nothing else. You share the most intimate moments with each other, and this is the most exclusive part of the relationship. Physical love is an expression of the feelings you have for each other.
The theory goes, if even one of the three things is missing, the relationship cannot go on. You can find any one of the connection with multiple people, but finding all three together is called love.
This is the reason why not being attracted to someone is an issue.
If you have a great mental and emotional connection with your best friend, you can always experiment with the third pillar.
However, things are not always black and white. There might be multiple reasons why you never felt attracted to him:
You never thought about it before
Since you have always known each other, and were not thinking about each other in that capacity, your brain put all these possibilities at the back of your mind, in a corner you haven’t ever visited before.
There is no mystery left
When we are young, we always liked boys that were rude to us. We ignore real connections because mystery attracts us. Since you know everything about your best friend, the mystery part does not exist anymore. This is exactly what happens when you are living together or are married. When you know everything, your desire starts to fade away. Hence, you always have to put an effort to keep things interesting. This may be the case with you and your best friend as well.
You did not want to get hurt
Since both of you have been seeing other people, your mind must have created a defense mechanism inside you. Ask yourself, can you live without talking to him? Do you feel possessive if somebody else tries to be close to him? All these are signs of how much you depend on him, but since you did not want to have a broken heart, you convinced yourself that you are not interested in him in a romantic way. Now that he is interested, there is no need to protect yourself. Let it flow, and you will get somewhere.
You do not want to ruin your friendship
You depend on him so much as a friend, you are afraid that things will get complicated if you think about moving to the next level. From the fear of ruining your great relationship, you are not open to experiment.
If he is such a great friend, he will understand if things do not work out between you two.
You have evolved overtime
You are thinking about it now, is a sign in itself. Inside, you know he is Mr. Right. But since he is the guy next door, you always took him for granted. Now, as you have understood the meaning of true companionship, you have accepted how important he is in your life. Previously, both of you must not have been at the same level, but today, you two seem perfect for each other as you have grown closer and turned into beautiful human beings.
For a long term relationship to work, you need to be a true companion. If you have a great mental and emotional connection with your best friend, you can always experiment with the third pillar.